Dear Nerdie

You can ask Nerdie for advice about your life! Read her responses to previous questions below or use the form at the bottom of this page to submit your own question.

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FFFF'ed up in Florida

let's say a guy's girlfriend (a nineteen year old) told him that looking at pornography was the same as cheating on her. how would he explain that it's not cheating and if he didn't do it he'd somehow be less of a man? porn is normal for a 23 year old guy isn't it? can we take a survery??? thanks nerdie :)

Dear FFFF'ed up in Florida I would say that perhaps his girlfriend is a bit self conscious about her body and that when she sees you looking at other naked women it makes her feel like maybe you wish she looked more like them? I do believe however, that porn can be a very natural thing for most guys. I think for this I may take a bit from a that 70's show episode that I recall where Donna found Eric's porn magazines under his bed. The guys explained to Donna that if Eric was dating someone like the women in the magazines, he would be looking at porn of her. Guys will be guys. If everytime you wanted to use her for your manly urges, you actually used her for your manly urges, she might be exhausted. As long as porn isn't becoming your life, or that you wouldn't actually rather relieve yourself to some porn than actually be intimate with your girlfriend, I don't see any reason for it to be considered unhealthy. The best thing to do is to sit down with your girlfriend after coming up with some logical reasons why you personally look at porn. Make sure you never EVER compare her to a porn star. And make sure she knows just how you feel about her and how beautiful you think she is, that she is much more than a porn star or a porn magazine could ever be to you. With that said, it's your life, you don't bitch about the lifetime network movies (or insert whatever here) that she watches or the hunks on tv she might find appealing, she can't really expect to take porn away from you.

2007/03/03 19:59

Messed-Up In Midwest

I'm a not-so-attractive guy who has tried to start a relationship for the past 10 years. All I've seen are women who want nothing more than sex, money, and a guy to treat them like crap. I was raised to treat women right, and I have a romantic streak in me you could drive on, so I can't be the “bad boy” these women want. The constant rejection due to my looks is ridiculous. Everything I've tried has gotten me nowhere, as far as losing weight goes. My only hope is to find some woman who can accept me for who I am, flaws and all. Considering how well that's gone, I'm getting to the point where I'm about to totally give up on ever having a relationship. Help.

Dear Messed-Up in Midwest Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. What you may consider to be not-so-attractive, to the right woman, you may find that you are an amazingly attractive man. It's hard to know where to begin. It is definitely true that it is easier for a woman to start dating than a man. However, I don't want you to be discouraged, I believe there is someone out there who will see you for the amazing person you really are. You just have to keep looking and never settle just because you think you aren't worth enough that you can't keep looking. You will find a woman who wants a man who will treat her right. Just keep being yourself. I wouldn't give up on the possibility of a relationship. I know how discouraging it can be when you spend so long either finding no one or finding all the wrong people. It'll happen, eventually. Don't try so hard. When it happens, it'll happen naturally. Usually love happens when you least expect, or even sometimes least want it. But when it's right you'll know.

2007/03/03 19:38

Long Distance Larry

“Dear Nerdie, A girl on IRC i have known for a while has made her intentions clear that she wishes us to be a couple. I'm conserned about the long distance thing, but I really like her. What should I do? ”

Dear Long Distance Larry. You need to ask yourself how you really feel about this girl. Is she worth the difficulty of a long distance relationship? They can be very hard and wear on you, but are you willing to go the distance for this girl? Can you see it working out? Is it worth it even if it doesn't work out? If you really care for this girl, you have nothing left to lose. It could be the best relationship you ever had. She could be “the one.” Is it worth it to you, to find out?

2007/02/24 19:23

About Nerdie

afternet|small left <digg> Nerdie, although only being on AfterNET for the past year, has made her presence known by mostly all who frequent the main channel. Usually very talkative, she holds the stats for the most lines spoken in all of 2006. Nerdie is always happy to lend an ear when you have a problem or just need someone to vent to. She is currently pursuing a degree in psychology and may be transferring to Ohio State University in the fall. Nerdie loves reading, computers and anime. She is also getting married this spring so if you see her haunting AfterNET, be sure to give her a congrats! This forum was created as a safe haven for you to post serious questions anonymously. When she is not answering questions here, you can catch her on several AfterNET channels chatting it up.

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